Saturday, 8 May 2010

The revolution starts here. Apparently.

So cats and kittens we've been shafted.

Or at least we're about to be shafted. I've spent the last week, ever since loads of people decided that David "the melty faced boy" Cameron had won the last telly debate - and I realised that I must clearly live in a strange bubble with a filter that makes David Cameron not look like he's winning a debate but looking like a plummy twat who's spouting casual xenophobia coupled with rhetoric that doesn't reflect anything that his party really stands for, intertwined with looking like he might cry, in a strange grey mist that has made the world I occupy seem odd and not very fun.

But secretly I still had some hope. Despite my own, very much in-built distrust for any non labour politician I secretly hoped all the way through the election that I was just being cynical. I secretly hoped that everyone else was right about Nick Clegg not being the sort of man who'd espouse vaguely left wing views, views that were even more left wing than Labour, which he'd drop immediately, like Marky Mark dropping his Levis (in memorial of governmental change I'm only using cultural references from a pre Labour era) as soon as melty face gave him a cheeky wink. But, of course, I think was right. Bah. And I so used to love being right all the time. I blame Nick Clegg. 

Ugh got to stop that too.

Lib Dem supporters will argue that Clegg can't get a majority with Labour, that he's being fair, but I think it's still a question of ideology. His party espoused the views of the centre left - now he's forming a coalition with the right. To me that smacks of ripping off many of the people who believed his hype and voted for him. 

And as for tories? Apparently they're everywhere, like cans of Pepsi in an 80's kids film. I've started worrying, usually mid rant about how much I hate tories, that the people I'm ranting at might actually be tories, actual living breathing tories, in the room with me. You used to be able to spot them, the old ones had Mr Whippy hair, the young ones looked like date rapists, but they've clearly started to filter in to real society and now I'm suffering from electorate paranoia, we can't even smell our own any more.

So is it hopeless? Are we just sitting here waiting for everything good that the last government did (and yes they did do lots of good things, despite what the fucking press will tell you) to be picked apart whilst we wallow in our Big Society waiting? Like Bunny from Eldorado, waiting for his child bride to leave him broken and crying (okay I'm gonna stop this now!)

I say nay.

So we've been dumped.  So there's been swing to the right. But people didn't vote for Thatcher, they didn't vote for a right wing government, even if that's what we've got. They were duped into voting for the beliefs of the centre left. This tells me that the people of this country aren't completely self centred and full of old school - fuck the poor - tory values. They're just a bit stupid.

There's something else as well. Sure, melty face has taken over, but in my haze last night as I drowned my considerable sorrows with buckets of JD I realised that I recognised how I was feeling from something else. It feels like that moment after you break up with someone who you were with forever, although it hurts and you want to die, there's a glimmer on the horizon, through the pain a new life is floating out there, full of opportunity, waiting for you. 

So we lost this one, but we've now been given the opportunity to re-invent the left, to find a politic that accurately reflects our views. To take all these angry and disenfranchised people and have a revolution. 

Not just that but hey - because we're disenfranchised, hell we're finally cool again. We've made it kids. We're back at the edge.

Yes my darlings - we finally have a cause again. No longer will we have to deal with the accusations of our PC gone mad shenanigans, or having to support a government who for every Sure Start centre or Equality Bill turns around and introduces ID cards or starts a fucking war. We have been left to our own devices and now we are free to just fight, fight against the government. We can be revolutionaries again, re-invent the political opposition and change things for the better.

So maybe in this bleak time something good can emerge. We can find our oppositional voice. We can sing, scream, write and create the art of passionate opposition. We can lodge our distaste with everything that we have. If we're going to go down, let's go down fighting. 

And I for one am going to grab this golden opportunity with both hands - starting with this god damn music video! I'm filming it next Saturday, if you're interested in being in it please let me know below.



  1. You are not alone in your paranoia - I've taken to squinting at people during my rants, like maybe Tories are one of those silly pictures that are just a load of blobs until you go cross eyed then a picture of the Eiffel Tower looms out at you. These people look normal, they sound normal (hell - they're even working in the Public Sector for Christ sake!) but squint a little and hey presto...!
    (Loving the Eldorado reference by the way!)


  2. Are you writing from the future? The Lib Dems will not form a voting coalition with the Tories. I'll stick a tenner on that right now. If they can get a deal which gets a referendum on reform with no voting coalition, I'd say that's a massive bloody success.

  3. Hum, unfortunately I don't share your optimism for what Clegg can and cannot do. Not matter what Cameron may have preached in the campaign, which coincided with what Clegg said, his party aren't quite as enamoured.
    I guess we'll have to wait and see.