Today I will mostly be waffling strangely......

Hello people. So I've decided that instead of just sitting in Jake and Emily's living room watching endless hours of Degrassi Junior High on the internet (best programme ever. Strangest addiction ever. Catchiest theme tune ever with a moral compass that is firmly pointed at happy liberal Canadianism.)

A footnote is that now I want to move to Canada in the hope that everywhere in Canada is like Degrassi Junior High - I fear I may be disappointed, like the time I expected all of San Francisco to be like Tales of the City and was then irked when I didn't see one man dressed as a nun on a bike, roller disco or eight foot drag queen. Very disappointing. Although I still want to live there too, because they have giant trees.

I also want to move to Alaska, having bought the box set of Northern Exposure. I now expect Alaska to be full to the brim of interesting hippy types who lurch from strange experience to strange experience whilst eating moose burgers and listening to Chris in the Morning (sigh). Although Baggy has already told me that he's definitely not moving to Alaska. He's probably right - Sarah Palin lives there and she's a massive, insane twat bitch from hell. 

There I go digressing again. Although I am on holiday so perhaps it's suitable that I waffle on aboot (there I go again with the Canadian thing) shit that means nothing to no one.

So anyway, tomorrow I'm going to pad my best friend up to look like she's nine months pregnant and we're going to make a music video.

Is this what Scorsese does at the weekend too? He's probably got a better camera than me, and Robert De Niro instead of Emily, but I bet Em can fake a pregnancy better than De Niro. And she's prettier.

Maybe Scorses likes Degrassi Junior High. Maybe he'll be up for moving to Canada with me. Do I want to live with Scorsese? He made Goodfellas - one of the only movies I've ever watched, rewound and watched again. But he did go through that annoying coke phase in the 80's. Would Baggy be happy living in Canada with Martin Scorsese?

Margot Kidder used to hang around with Scorsese during his coke phase and she was Lois Lane, so she should be infalible. Although I wouldn't listen to Terri Hatcher, and she was Lois Lane too.

I'd definitely live with Spielberg, I bet he makes excellent wholesome evenings fun. Would Baggy mind living in Canada with Spielberg? .........................................