Thursday, 18 March 2010

I have a phone of death, and I keep dreaming about Corey Haim.....

This is a little off the subject - is anyone else plagued by dreams about Corey Haim?
Nope? Just me?
Okay then.

Did anyone else think that Prayer of the Rollerboys was an undiscovered classic?

Thirty is an enlightening age. I learn a little bit more about myself every day.

Anyway - back to the task in hand.

Here are the promised before pictures (apologies to anyone who misread that sentence somehow, I know it doesn't scan, but I refuse to use inverted commas unless it's a matter of life and death. Let's blame the Daily Mail, if I have to read another article about an "alleged rape" or a gay "wedding" I'm going to shave all my skin off with a teaspoon and post said skin to Liz Jones with a note telling her that it's Elizabeth Arden anti ageing skin and shoving it all up her nose in one go will make her 20 years younger). Tell you what, I'll use italics instead.

Here are the before pictures:

Okay, first up we have a purest polyester number, modelled by the esteemed Me (note the amazingly blonde not yellow roots - attained after lots of stern words from my lovely hairdresser Anne, by my own fair hand, involving a vast quantity of pain and burning smells. I really hope I look good in hats in two years time.)

This top is a beautiful example of a look I would describe as kinder whore. Swirly polyester patterned, the child halter top. Made by Gap - who are, of course, famous for their human rights at work record (strapline made for children by children)

Top number 2 - more of the same, it's going to make someone a beautiful eye mask.

And as for you my lovely..... I don't quite know what to do with the white corduroy micro skirt - I wanted white jeans initially but was too cheap to pay more than four pounds for a pair. I'm toying with the idea of embroidering the words objectify my fist onto the bum in big gold letters - and probably will unless someone tells me explicitly not to.

And last but not least - here's Baggy, the best boyfriend in the world, modelling the - not quite sure what it is. Is it a boob tube? is it a micro skirt for the fashion conscious baby? Is it a new, and somewhat inadequate balaclava? Whatever it's supposed to be, it's looking forward to its new life as a very stylish peg bag, once I get him to take it off his head.

Other than that the t-shirts are coming along nicely. Last night I managed to thread a needle in the dark.
Divine intervention?

I think Corey Haim would have been proud.

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