Friday, 15 July 2011

Chapter Seven

Sunny days brought them all out. Natasha swore as she struggled under the mountain of cake boxes, weaving after a delirious Kat through the crowd of deliberately slow moving, deliberately loud talking, air kissing faux happy people, flaunting themselves like grinning skinny tarts in the parks of London.

"First there's Simone" panted the fat goth, apparently unchoked by the dangerous level of smugness in the air. "She used to be anorexic, but now she only eats twiglets and the insides of sofa cushions. She's such a laugh."

Kat didn't seem to mind that her white makeup was dripping and she looked like a rubbish candle version of The Crow. She hadn't stopped jabbering excitedly about their new internet following, their new family who they were off to meet, since they'd left north London.

"And there's Bill" she continued, "He's great. He's going to bring everyone chocolate cake, not that he can eat it himself. Since the operation he can only stomach mashed hotdogs."

Natasha really wanted to punch someone in the head. Bill would be as good a victim as anyone. Kat was practically skipping down the road by now, she must have been sugar powered. It was a little terrifying and possibly a bit wrong. Shouldn't she have been directing all that energy towards more normal teenage pursuits like sniffing glue or drug running?

"I've put a twenty pee piece in one of the fruit cakes" she babbled like an emo brook "for good luck." This made sense. It sounded like some of their new friends could use a bit of luck. 

They arrived at Speaker's Corner and Natasha crashed down upon the grass, making herself a little nest of cardboard cake boxes whilst flailing at a cloud of gnats. Kat's energy converted to nerves.

"How do you find people you've never seen before in a really crowded place?"

"I'm sure they'll find me." Said Natasha. "I am the chosen one after all."

She plucked some grass and threw it into the air, the air kicked the grass back into her face.

A crazy lady walked over and stood a little too near them, hair sticking out, be-kittened jumper, mildly stained slacks. "Maybe that's one of them." Natasha offered, as she stretched out. Uncertainly Kat sidled over.

"Excuse me….." she squeaked. "are you…."


Crazy Lady leapt at the terrified teenager like a disgruntled hamster of death.

Maybe not. Natasha was starting to enjoy herself as Kat scampered away and Crazy Lady danced like James Brown's aunty at a wedding.


An hour later and there had been no sighting of the cushion eater or the chocolate cake desperado, clearly Natasha's cult leader status had been diminished by the daylight. It would have been vaguely amusing but for the broken teen on the grass beside her made it more like Watership Down in 30 degree heat.

Kat carried out a horrible impression of someone who didn't give a shit that her internet friends didn't really exist. Would she try and do herself in on Natasha's watch? She'd seen this kind of thing on Hollyoaks and it never ended well. Natasha needed to act fast, she was the only one allowed to be a grumpy cow in this relationship.

"Okay let's start changing the world!"

Like a red coat whose spinny bow tie had caught in her jaunty neckerchief and was slowly throttling her to death.

Natasha dragged herself up and opened a cake box before walking into the path and up to the nearest happy Arian couple. "Would you like some free cake?" she beamed and was promptly ignored. It was like Jesus all over again.

Natasha approached three young women and offered her wares. Finally they accepted happily and Natasha talked through the finer points of there mission whilst Kat dragged herself to her feet.

An hour later and Hyde park was hopped up on sugar, either they'd been spiked with acid or there was just a tiny bit more love in the air.

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