Okay kids - so I've written seven story lines for seven possible screenplays.
Now I'm going to take a week off to concentrate on my music career.
No seriously, I'm going to concentrate on my music career.
Yeah I know that's what everyone says when they quit the cast of Neighbours when they're actually secret coke heads - but I really am. I can't afford to be a coke head. I work for a charity for heavens sake!
Anyway - cast your votes below, or I'll remake Titanic on a dingy.
Love love love xxxxxxxxxx
Friday, 14 January 2011
Thursday, 13 January 2011
Robots need love too.....
Botdance - a synopsis for a strange and unusual fifteen minute film by Jess Sweetman
(Disclaimer - parts of this synopsis are based on what my brother Jake actually thought, for many years, the movie Flashdance was about. Suffice to say he was deeply disappointed when it turned out not to actually be an extended 80's music video with no plot or robots.)
Natasha, a twenty five year old loser has been to purgatory, heaven and hell following an attention seeking suicide attempt (whiskey and lemsip) which went awry and killed her. Having escaped from Hell by cutting a bargain to correct all her previous bad behaviour she takes the wrong pipe to The Past and ends up crashing into The Future.
The Future is a land where robots have taken over England and rule with an iron (ahem) grip. Adult humans are slaves whilst their offspring are hoarded into nurseries until they are of working age.
When patrolling robots, on account of her clothing and inability to respond to simple commands, mistake Natasha for an infant suffering from giganticism she is placed in a nursery where she befriends some socially inept teenagers. The teenagers take Natasha into their confidence and show her the special space that they have hidden from the robots, in which they are learning to dance - using cuttings from 80's magazines that fell through a wormhole in space as inspiration, and the soundtrack to The Stud, the Jackie Collins penned classic movie. Dancing has been prohibited by the evil robots - who only have one early 80's dance move to brag about and is punishable by death.
Using her age and experience as someone who hasn't been raised by robots to her advantage Natasha takes leadership of the group, showing them a variety of moves which she invented whilst holed up in her room with no friends. The teenagers learn fast and Natasha is also able to put the moves onto Todd, a particularly ripped 17 year old.
The robots burst in, however, and the teenagers and Natasha are forced to start the revolution against the robots. Because of their physical prowess and dangerous moves they are able to fight down the attacking hoards and the revolution is a complete success. The teenagers and Natasha are put in charge of the country.
After imposing one law upon the newly liberated humans - compulsory dance - and ignoring all other social need whilst distracted by hair products, the rediscovery of films and music and their own squabbles, the teenagers and Natasha are overthrown by the adults and Natasha takes the opportunity to grab a wormhole back to the past, where she was originally supposed to be, leaving a heart broken Todd behind.
(Disclaimer - parts of this synopsis are based on what my brother Jake actually thought, for many years, the movie Flashdance was about. Suffice to say he was deeply disappointed when it turned out not to actually be an extended 80's music video with no plot or robots.)
Natasha, a twenty five year old loser has been to purgatory, heaven and hell following an attention seeking suicide attempt (whiskey and lemsip) which went awry and killed her. Having escaped from Hell by cutting a bargain to correct all her previous bad behaviour she takes the wrong pipe to The Past and ends up crashing into The Future.
The Future is a land where robots have taken over England and rule with an iron (ahem) grip. Adult humans are slaves whilst their offspring are hoarded into nurseries until they are of working age.
When patrolling robots, on account of her clothing and inability to respond to simple commands, mistake Natasha for an infant suffering from giganticism she is placed in a nursery where she befriends some socially inept teenagers. The teenagers take Natasha into their confidence and show her the special space that they have hidden from the robots, in which they are learning to dance - using cuttings from 80's magazines that fell through a wormhole in space as inspiration, and the soundtrack to The Stud, the Jackie Collins penned classic movie. Dancing has been prohibited by the evil robots - who only have one early 80's dance move to brag about and is punishable by death.
Using her age and experience as someone who hasn't been raised by robots to her advantage Natasha takes leadership of the group, showing them a variety of moves which she invented whilst holed up in her room with no friends. The teenagers learn fast and Natasha is also able to put the moves onto Todd, a particularly ripped 17 year old.
The robots burst in, however, and the teenagers and Natasha are forced to start the revolution against the robots. Because of their physical prowess and dangerous moves they are able to fight down the attacking hoards and the revolution is a complete success. The teenagers and Natasha are put in charge of the country.
After imposing one law upon the newly liberated humans - compulsory dance - and ignoring all other social need whilst distracted by hair products, the rediscovery of films and music and their own squabbles, the teenagers and Natasha are overthrown by the adults and Natasha takes the opportunity to grab a wormhole back to the past, where she was originally supposed to be, leaving a heart broken Todd behind.
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Um.....
Okay so house hunting got in the way of writing today.
Will finish tomorrow. In the meantime - start commenting on my previous blogs or I will scream.
Love you all xxxxxxx
Will finish tomorrow. In the meantime - start commenting on my previous blogs or I will scream.
Love you all xxxxxxx
Monday, 10 January 2011
The ultimate champion of everything
Caroline is 15, ginger, overweight and sarcastic her best friend Molly is eight months pregnant and called Molly - suffice to say that everyone at their school hates them. However due to their amazing friendship and the fact that everyone else in their school are dicks, they don't really care very much.
But even the two outsiders can't help noticing that something strange is going on at the school. Every day it seems another outcast is turning up with something missing from their personality and the top of their heads and no one seems to be doing anything about it.
After an unfortunate fighting incident Caroline is put into detention by Miss Roper, the scary Biology teacher where she uncovers the terrifying secret that the most popular girls at school are taking part in a terrifying ceremony of penfighting, led by the teacher herself.
After being caught evesdropping she is forced to bring her own pen fighting skills out of retirement, having buried them and the shameful secret that she has carried to this day before fighting the ultimate battle of good versus evil penfighter in order to save herself, her school and her rapidly going into labour best friend.......
But even the two outsiders can't help noticing that something strange is going on at the school. Every day it seems another outcast is turning up with something missing from their personality and the top of their heads and no one seems to be doing anything about it.
After an unfortunate fighting incident Caroline is put into detention by Miss Roper, the scary Biology teacher where she uncovers the terrifying secret that the most popular girls at school are taking part in a terrifying ceremony of penfighting, led by the teacher herself.
After being caught evesdropping she is forced to bring her own pen fighting skills out of retirement, having buried them and the shameful secret that she has carried to this day before fighting the ultimate battle of good versus evil penfighter in order to save herself, her school and her rapidly going into labour best friend.......
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Back to screenplays about lost souls in seaside towns.....
And then what? A treatment for a 15 minute film by J Rosie Ratbag
It's 1993, Lily, a 71 year old woman is living in temporary accommodation in a crumbling hotel on Clacton seafront. As part of the Care in the Community scheme, which took place in Britain in the 80's and 90's Lily has been moved away from the mental hospital where she spent the majority of her life, having suffered several nervous breakdowns in her mid thirties.
Lost from the routine that permeated her entire life Lily finds sanctuary walking the beach during the day, sometimes accompanied by her bawdy, funny niece Alice.
On her walks she begins notice a fellow walker, a crap transvestite in her mid 40's called Diana. Lily follows Diana on several occasions, following her into charity shops - (quickly buying the clothes that Diana perused) and to a local community centre, where Diana teaches a drama class.
The next day, accompanied by Alice, Lily attends the drama class and begins to get Diana to take notice of her, although her shyness prevents her from speaking. They audition for the upcoming play and Alice is awarded the part of Juliet in Romeo and Juliet whilst Lily plays a tree.
Rehearsals for the play go well, as seen through a montage sequence, and Lily begins to break the ice with Diana. The two of them almost speak on several occasions.
Then, on the night of the show, disaster strikes. Brian, the strange man who was due to play Romeo has to pull out due to work commitments and Diana is forced to step in. Meanwhile Alice has an allergic reaction to the seafood dinner that the ladies cooked themselves the night before and swells up - having to be taken to hospital. No one else is available who knows the part and time is of the essence.
Prompted by a visit from the Virgin Mary in a cup of tea Lily finds the courage to speak and admits to Diana that she knows the part word perfectly. The show goes on, with a perfect kiss and both leads being showered with roses at curtain call.
Two weeks later Lily and Alice are preparing to go on one of their walks, Diana shows up as they're leaving the hotel and the three walk away together.
It's 1993, Lily, a 71 year old woman is living in temporary accommodation in a crumbling hotel on Clacton seafront. As part of the Care in the Community scheme, which took place in Britain in the 80's and 90's Lily has been moved away from the mental hospital where she spent the majority of her life, having suffered several nervous breakdowns in her mid thirties.
Lost from the routine that permeated her entire life Lily finds sanctuary walking the beach during the day, sometimes accompanied by her bawdy, funny niece Alice.
On her walks she begins notice a fellow walker, a crap transvestite in her mid 40's called Diana. Lily follows Diana on several occasions, following her into charity shops - (quickly buying the clothes that Diana perused) and to a local community centre, where Diana teaches a drama class.
The next day, accompanied by Alice, Lily attends the drama class and begins to get Diana to take notice of her, although her shyness prevents her from speaking. They audition for the upcoming play and Alice is awarded the part of Juliet in Romeo and Juliet whilst Lily plays a tree.
Rehearsals for the play go well, as seen through a montage sequence, and Lily begins to break the ice with Diana. The two of them almost speak on several occasions.
Then, on the night of the show, disaster strikes. Brian, the strange man who was due to play Romeo has to pull out due to work commitments and Diana is forced to step in. Meanwhile Alice has an allergic reaction to the seafood dinner that the ladies cooked themselves the night before and swells up - having to be taken to hospital. No one else is available who knows the part and time is of the essence.
Prompted by a visit from the Virgin Mary in a cup of tea Lily finds the courage to speak and admits to Diana that she knows the part word perfectly. The show goes on, with a perfect kiss and both leads being showered with roses at curtain call.
Two weeks later Lily and Alice are preparing to go on one of their walks, Diana shows up as they're leaving the hotel and the three walk away together.
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Breaking my own rules again
Hello, I've decided to take today off because a) I'm vaguely hungover and full of lovely fish pie, b) we've been house hunting and it makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep and c) because, as a mistress of my own destiny, I like setting my own rules and then breaking them.
Back tomorrow with more amazing ideas. Hopefully!
love love
Back tomorrow with more amazing ideas. Hopefully!
love love
Friday, 7 January 2011
Is he ill?? No he's just a little horse....
"I'm losing more than I ever had" a synopsis for a 15 minute screenplay by Tommy Lassoo
Phillip lives in a one bedroom house on the outskirts of Norwich. Over the last year his life has changed dramatically - Phillip used to weigh 30 stone, today he is a shadow of his former self. Now freed from his prison of fat, the details of parts of his life known entirely to his friends, neighbours and complete strangers, Phillip lives from day to day, he goes to work, he comes home, he exercises, he cooks, he sleeps.
We speak to his parents, who are still desperately trying to analyse what went wrong - why their son transformed himself from a happy, if loner child, to a one man eating machine. We speak to his ex girlfriend, who fell in love with the man she used to run alongside in fields near the houses where they grew up, but was driven away as he hid himself from the world.
Phillip says that food was his hobby, now dieting is his hobby. He doesn't wish for anything else.
Prompted by the machinations of a documentary crew who fear that their upcoming project for Channel 4 will fall flat due to lack of movement or story - Phillip's past life is dredged for anything they can find. Nothing turns up - he was a happy child who loved running, trotting and grazing.
Finally, flabagasted by their subject's lack of motivation the crew start setting him up in different social situations - a blind date, a comedy club, a shopping spree, but nothing can break the blank canvas of Phillip. Eventually they go to extremes and con him into attending an S & M club.
Phillip wanders the length of Torture Garden barely expressing a thing, he trudges through rows of spankers and wankers without even lifting an eyebrow. As the director starts to hissy fit Phillip's attention is caught by a young woman on a hobby horse. He approaches her and they speak in whispers for a few moments.
In the final scene we see a glorious pantomime horse galloping across a field in perfect sunlight. Phillip has found himself.
Phillip lives in a one bedroom house on the outskirts of Norwich. Over the last year his life has changed dramatically - Phillip used to weigh 30 stone, today he is a shadow of his former self. Now freed from his prison of fat, the details of parts of his life known entirely to his friends, neighbours and complete strangers, Phillip lives from day to day, he goes to work, he comes home, he exercises, he cooks, he sleeps.
We speak to his parents, who are still desperately trying to analyse what went wrong - why their son transformed himself from a happy, if loner child, to a one man eating machine. We speak to his ex girlfriend, who fell in love with the man she used to run alongside in fields near the houses where they grew up, but was driven away as he hid himself from the world.
Phillip says that food was his hobby, now dieting is his hobby. He doesn't wish for anything else.
Prompted by the machinations of a documentary crew who fear that their upcoming project for Channel 4 will fall flat due to lack of movement or story - Phillip's past life is dredged for anything they can find. Nothing turns up - he was a happy child who loved running, trotting and grazing.
Finally, flabagasted by their subject's lack of motivation the crew start setting him up in different social situations - a blind date, a comedy club, a shopping spree, but nothing can break the blank canvas of Phillip. Eventually they go to extremes and con him into attending an S & M club.
Phillip wanders the length of Torture Garden barely expressing a thing, he trudges through rows of spankers and wankers without even lifting an eyebrow. As the director starts to hissy fit Phillip's attention is caught by a young woman on a hobby horse. He approaches her and they speak in whispers for a few moments.
In the final scene we see a glorious pantomime horse galloping across a field in perfect sunlight. Phillip has found himself.
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